For the last two weeks I house sat for my parents (much to my dismay) and was abel to do some thinking, writing and sleeping.
The day before I left I had a heart to heart with my mother. We talked about the past and she said to me that I must forgive and forget about everything that happened with my brother and resume a relationship with him because they will not be around forever. I told her that if I CHOOSE to forgive him, I will NEVER forget! She also brought to my attention that he is still mad at me for the situation with his ex. In my defense I told her that the only reason I did what I did was because I have a hard time saying no for fear of rejection and that people would not like me. I also informed her that the reason I can't say no goes back to childhood and having no boundaries! Can anybody guess why I have a hard time saying no? I will admit this has gotten a bit better.
When I got home I got this earful from my roommate Trish. She told me I MUST forgive to feel peace. She said this is still a major part of my life! I tend to disagree. I look at it as talking publically about this is aiding others and myself further in the healing process! I have been told and read that forgiveness of our abusers is a personal choice and it is not crucial to the healing process!
How many times have we as survivors heard this? That we MUST forgive our abusers to heal and move on. I guess the purpose of this kind of forgiveness is NOT for the abuser but for ourselves. I am wondering how many survivors out there have TRULY forgiven their abusers!
The things I still struggle with even now are asserting and believing in myself, saying no and confidence! I think these are some of the things we still struggle with and are still holding us back to realizing our true potential to do great things in life!