While in therapy, Carol suggested that I write letters to those who have hurt or wronged me as a healing tool. The opportunity has now presented itself to write letters to my abuser and my parents.
I have decided to contribute these letters to the Letters from Survivors book project. I hope these letters will finally help me take that final step-resolution and moving on.
There is the possibility however that when these letters are finally written and published that they will alienate me further from my family. That is a risk I am willing to take. I am willing to accept the consequences of my actions. I am thinking well the problem then is with THEM and not me.
I am estranged and avoid contact with my abuser. I wrote him off a long time ago. I went through the motions to try and have him in my life to please my mother. I now realize that I was living a lie. I won’t do it anymore! What concerns me now is that the rest of my family will not understand why I did this.
To us as survivors the answer is clear, to finally have some closure and reclaim our lives-the lives that were interrupted when we were abused and lived in constant fear and silence.
The letters will take a lot out of me emotionally. I will write them at different times. When thoughts come into my head, I write them down and then piece them together later. That is how I wrote my book, one step at a time. It is a lot like healing, taking it one day and one step at a time.
I personally want to thank the creator of the project for presenting this wonderful opportunity. I know however that it is up to me to heal and change my life. I am hopeful if a survivor is still sitting out there living in silence and pain, may our stories and letters offer hope and inspiration.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Letting Go
During the last couple of weeks I have been letting go of some things.
First off I had to let my cat Duke go by putting him to sleep. That was such a heartbreaking thing for me to do. I feel empty and so alone now it is very sad and depressing.
About a week or so ago Safe Nest came to my house to pick up clothing donations. My roommate told me to get rid of all of my oversized clothing now that I am much thinner. This was easy and hard at the same time. I have been reduced to a few pairs of pants and a couple of dresses.
I had a talk with my roommate about people who are in my life who I have met when I was in a self destructive phase. They really don't keep in touch with me at all and it is hurtful and frustrating. I told her about one person who has repeatedly pushed my buttons, used and hurt me to their advantage. She asked me why do I want to maintain a friendship with this person after all that this individual has done to cause me pain. I told her that I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and then she called me a masochist. It was then I realized that she was RIGHT!!!
The thoughts turning in my head are these, I let all of this go what do I have left? What do I have to look forward to? What can I do to replace what I have lost?
First off I had to let my cat Duke go by putting him to sleep. That was such a heartbreaking thing for me to do. I feel empty and so alone now it is very sad and depressing.
About a week or so ago Safe Nest came to my house to pick up clothing donations. My roommate told me to get rid of all of my oversized clothing now that I am much thinner. This was easy and hard at the same time. I have been reduced to a few pairs of pants and a couple of dresses.
I had a talk with my roommate about people who are in my life who I have met when I was in a self destructive phase. They really don't keep in touch with me at all and it is hurtful and frustrating. I told her about one person who has repeatedly pushed my buttons, used and hurt me to their advantage. She asked me why do I want to maintain a friendship with this person after all that this individual has done to cause me pain. I told her that I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and then she called me a masochist. It was then I realized that she was RIGHT!!!
The thoughts turning in my head are these, I let all of this go what do I have left? What do I have to look forward to? What can I do to replace what I have lost?
Saturday, October 18, 2008
New Poetry
In The Darkness
I
A child alone in the darkness laid waiting for his footsteps to come,
Heard them come near wanted to run.
Alone in the darkness, built an imaginary world to escape the pain, wondering would anything be the same.
In the darkness crying alone, wanting comfort and arms that are safe, alone in the darkness his little waif.
II
Many nights laid in the darkness waiting for death to come, how many ways to become undone.
In the darkness laying for hours inside self wanting to die, for so many years, living and believing the lie.
In the darkness living a starving raped soul, hoping one day to become whole.
III
Years have passed, the journey has begun, it is time now to stop and not run.
Laying in the darkness the shadows of the past come calling, many nights dreams of falling.
Falling and falling with no end in sight, wake from sleep full of fright.
Feeling the shadows hands around the throat, wake from sleep wanting to choke.
The shadow breathes in the ear, wake from sleep again to not let him near.
IV
The journey continues,no dark shadows haunt the sleep, no more in the darkness weep.
In the darkness peace is near, the darkness no longer a source of fear.
In the darkness alone crying no longer, since the journey began the heart and healing soul become stronger.
I
A child alone in the darkness laid waiting for his footsteps to come,
Heard them come near wanted to run.
Alone in the darkness, built an imaginary world to escape the pain, wondering would anything be the same.
In the darkness crying alone, wanting comfort and arms that are safe, alone in the darkness his little waif.
II
Many nights laid in the darkness waiting for death to come, how many ways to become undone.
In the darkness laying for hours inside self wanting to die, for so many years, living and believing the lie.
In the darkness living a starving raped soul, hoping one day to become whole.
III
Years have passed, the journey has begun, it is time now to stop and not run.
Laying in the darkness the shadows of the past come calling, many nights dreams of falling.
Falling and falling with no end in sight, wake from sleep full of fright.
Feeling the shadows hands around the throat, wake from sleep wanting to choke.
The shadow breathes in the ear, wake from sleep again to not let him near.
IV
The journey continues,no dark shadows haunt the sleep, no more in the darkness weep.
In the darkness peace is near, the darkness no longer a source of fear.
In the darkness alone crying no longer, since the journey began the heart and healing soul become stronger.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Amazon.com
Checked this site today and the book is on it and available for purchase. It has been there since Sept 15. I was under the impression that it would take another 4 to 6 weeks. What a surprise that is! All you need to do is type in the name of the book Breaking The Silence.... A Survivor's Story and it will take you right to it. Here is what it looks like.
Breaking The Silence.... A Survivor's Story by Marie Coppla (Paperback - Sep 15, 2008)
Buy new: $15.50
2 Used & new from $15.50
Get it by Monday, Oct 6 if you order in the next 18 hours and choose one-day shipping.
Eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping.
Buy new: $15.50
2 Used & new from $15.50
Get it by Monday, Oct 6 if you order in the next 18 hours and choose one-day shipping.
Eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping.
I am so excited!!! Now it makes me want to print out the flyers and start going to the local independant bookstores around town.
I hope everybody has a great weekend!
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Promo For Book/HTC Survivor's Confrence
Well friends I have been a busy little bee! This week I have designed a promo flyer and submitted 2 of the poems from it to the Healing Through Creativity Survivor's Confrence this October. Here is what the flyer looks like.
Title: Breaking The Silence… A Survivor’s Story
Author: Marie Coppla
Publisher: LuLu.com
Publish Date: September 1, 2008
ISBN: 978-1-4357-2125-8
Pages: 50
Synopsis: This is a collection of poems and essays documenting my survival from incest and the beginning of my healing. These poems and essays express my deepest feelings of anger, rage and sadness. They also offer hope and reaffirm that we are never alone.
Order Information: lulu.com/content/370465
Author Contact Information
Cell Phone: 702-588-3728
E-Mail: breakingthesilence2@yahoo.com
Onto other news. I read and post to a website titled Healing Through Creativity. Every year they have a 9 day conference where survivors from all over the world come and share there stories and their art. This year the conference is in West Virginia from October 10-19. Unfortunately, due to my financial situation I will be unable to attend but I done the next best thing. I have submitted two of my poems from the book; With You and No Longer Your Victim to be displayed at the conference. This is my way to show my support for this cause and to get my story out there. If these poems can offer hope and inspire others then I have succeeded! An important part of healing is a good support network!
The reason: to put this part of my life behind me and look forward to the future!
Title: Breaking The Silence… A Survivor’s Story
Author: Marie Coppla
Publisher: LuLu.com
Publish Date: September 1, 2008
ISBN: 978-1-4357-2125-8
Pages: 50
Synopsis: This is a collection of poems and essays documenting my survival from incest and the beginning of my healing. These poems and essays express my deepest feelings of anger, rage and sadness. They also offer hope and reaffirm that we are never alone.
Order Information: lulu.com/content/370465
Author Contact Information
Cell Phone: 702-588-3728
E-Mail: breakingthesilence2@yahoo.com
Onto other news. I read and post to a website titled Healing Through Creativity. Every year they have a 9 day conference where survivors from all over the world come and share there stories and their art. This year the conference is in West Virginia from October 10-19. Unfortunately, due to my financial situation I will be unable to attend but I done the next best thing. I have submitted two of my poems from the book; With You and No Longer Your Victim to be displayed at the conference. This is my way to show my support for this cause and to get my story out there. If these poems can offer hope and inspire others then I have succeeded! An important part of healing is a good support network!
The reason: to put this part of my life behind me and look forward to the future!
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