Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Letters

While in therapy, Carol suggested that I write letters to those who have hurt or wronged me as a healing tool. The opportunity has now presented itself to write letters to my abuser and my parents.

I have decided to contribute these letters to the Letters from Survivors book project. I hope these letters will finally help me take that final step-resolution and moving on.

There is the possibility however that when these letters are finally written and published that they will alienate me further from my family. That is a risk I am willing to take. I am willing to accept the consequences of my actions. I am thinking well the problem then is with THEM and not me.

I am estranged and avoid contact with my abuser. I wrote him off a long time ago. I went through the motions to try and have him in my life to please my mother. I now realize that I was living a lie. I won’t do it anymore! What concerns me now is that the rest of my family will not understand why I did this.

To us as survivors the answer is clear, to finally have some closure and reclaim our lives-the lives that were interrupted when we were abused and lived in constant fear and silence.

The letters will take a lot out of me emotionally. I will write them at different times. When thoughts come into my head, I write them down and then piece them together later. That is how I wrote my book, one step at a time. It is a lot like healing, taking it one day and one step at a time.

I personally want to thank the creator of the project for presenting this wonderful opportunity. I know however that it is up to me to heal and change my life. I am hopeful if a survivor is still sitting out there living in silence and pain, may our stories and letters offer hope and inspiration.

3 comments:

Teresa Lynne said...

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Marie said...

I am so honored to recieve this award! Your support and friendship mean so much!

Patricia Singleton said...

Marie, you are very courageous to write these letters. When I confronted my Dad years ago, it was through a letter and a phone call. I wrote the letter and then couldn't find anyone who had an address for me to mail it to. Then one night, out of the blue, he called me. I got the letter and read it to him. He interrupted me at the beginning. I told him to just shut up and listen. He did. He wasn't used to being told what to do by me. When I was a child and teenager, he was the dictator of my life. When I gave up that victim role, he didn't know how to react.

When I could see him for the frightened child that he was, I was no longer afraid of him. He couldn't control me any longer.

I later wrote a Letter to Family Members letter that I mailed to each of his brothers and sisters---all 10 of them---telling them about the abuse and why I refused to take responsibility for getting my dad on social security, etc.

He had not been in my life for over 10 years when one of his sisters called me to tell me that he was in the hospital with a terminal brain tumor. I called my sister and we both went to see him. By this time, I had done years of recovery work on my incest issues. I was able to see how he had destroyed his life and how pathetic he was. I was finally able to forgive him. He died a year and a half later alone.