A Moment of Clarity

Something happened to me today that I would like to share with everybody.

One of my roommates came into my room and started to accuse me of not doing something around the house. I nicely (at first) told him that I have been doing the activity in question. He was not pleased with the answer I gave him. So he starting antagonizing me about it. I asked him to leave and he refused. I tried to close the door and he blocked the door with his foot! At this point I became VERY angry to the point wanting to smack the crap out of him. We carried on for a few minutes yelling and screaming where he accused me of antagonizing him. Isin't that rich? After the incident I thought to myself why did I become so angry at something so small and insignificant? Something that had no meaning in the grand scheme of life. After I calmed down and was abel to think the answer came to me. It is two fold.

First I got angry at the fact that he showed no respect for me and my personal space when I asked him nicely to leave.

Second, he had me cornered in my personal space and I had nowhere to turn. Usually when he starts in on me, in the common areas of the house, I turn and walk away. This time however I had no way out. I felt trapped.

Then it hit me later on that this incident reminded me of my childhood. Being hit from all sides with nowhere to turn. I was being abused and I also had to deal with the fact that I was a social outcast and I only had 1 friend, so my room became my sanctuary, the only place I could find comfort and solace.I am also a little frustrated and angry that the people in this house and some of my so called friends don't know or don't seem to care about this journey I am on. Maybe their lack of interest or compassion stems from that they don't want to face their pasts and they are trying to deal with the present. They don't seem to realize that the things or circumstances in the present seem to stem from unresolved issues of the past. I understand that this is common and I try not to force this on the people around me. When I started the healing process back in 1998 I made a commitment to myself to see this journey through! I owe it to myself to do this! I owe it to myself to HEAL!!!!!!!

The Gift of Forgiveness

I have been thinking about this lately. If I forgive my abuser does it mean he is off the hook from responsibility? I realized that he is an alcoholic and he is burying his feelings of guilt and shame with alcohol. My lack of forgiveness is hurting me more than it is him and I cannot hurt him because he is doing enough to hurt himself! I also realized that if I don't forgive, I will never have the life I so deserve, the life HE stole from me! I woke up this morning and for a moment thought that nobody can give me back the 30+ years of my life. I was angered and saddened by this grim reality only for a moment.

Someone posted a video on Facebook titled The Gift of Forgiveness that I would like to share with everybody.





I hope everybody finds this video inspiring and healing.

Call for Presenters, Performers and Artists

CALLING PRESENTERS, PERFORMERS AND ARTISTS

Submit your art work, present your workshop or performance at the 4th Annual Healing through Creativity Art Event for Survivors of TraumaTrauma Survivors and Supporters of Survivors of Trauma are invited to share art, music, writing, poetry and other creative forms at the Healing Through Creativity Festival.

Connect with other trauma survivors at the event. Volunteer today.Calling for Presenters, Performers and Artists. CONTACT US NOW.

When: Oct 17-24 2009Where : Heart of Virginia Foundation Center for Integrated Arts, Grandin Gardens, 1731 Grandin Rd, Roanoke, Virginia

The experience helps trauma survivors and promotes community understanding.For more information visit our website and forum at www.healingthroughcreativity.org for contact details. Email info@healingthroughcreativity.org.

CHECK IT OUT TODAY

The Courage To Heal, 20th Anniversary Edition

A couple of days ago, I recieved my copy of The Courage To Heal 20th Anniversary Edition. As I was flipping through it I noticed some changes from the 3rd edition that I would like to share with everybody.

The authors have added some sections that I think may help:

Trauma and the Brain-This section talks about how trauma affects the brain chemistry and possible mental afflictions that may result. The most common is PTSD.

Using Guided Imagery- This I enjoyed reading. I have personally used guided imagery with my second counselor. There is about a couple of pages dedicated to use of medication. I found this helpful as well. The authors have also taken out the section : Honoring The Truth. There is an expanded resource guide and the section on survivor accounts. There are other little things like more survivor poetry, list and information boxes ect. On a more personal note, I found some things that have inspired future poems about the healing process. If you can, I would encourage everybody to purchase a copy of the book. As my first counselor Carol said to me ,"it is the survivor's bible".

New Poem

Someone In The Crowd



Saw him sitting there in the crowd

For a moment remembered the things he has done; like a thief stole youth’s dreams, innocence and possibility with one touch, the anger, rage and pain, how through the journey the spirit cleans up the mess he made

The moment over, turn and walk away, remember what has been done to live and thrive

In a new life he has no place, no longer a face or a name, now just someone in the crowd